I REGRET MISSING BEDTIME STORIES BECAUSE I WAS DRINKING

One of the things that makes me sad to think about is the amount of things that I missed or rushed through with my children when I was drinking.

My children are turning 12 and 10 this month and it’s a huge reminder of how fast they grow up. One of my clients this week was telling me how she had spent so many times either racing through her son’s bedtime story or reading it while drinking – still rushing through so she could get bedtime done and be alone with her bottle of cabernet. I related so much to her story, because that was me too.

Now that I look back I realise I missed so much, so many evening trying to get bedtime done so that I could have my “me time” which meant numbing out with a glass or three of wine.

The sad realisation is that those bed times and bath times are a brief moment in time with our children, and when they’re gone they’re gone.

I used to wish that I had stopped drinking sooner so that I could have been present for more of the birthday parties, play dates and bedtimes- but I’ve come to the realisation that I had to take my own path to get here and one of the reasons that I wanted to quit was to be more present for my children. I guess I needed to see the difference between being present and not for me to see how much better it is being 100% here for them.

Thankfully the tween girl still asks me to blow-dry her hair and watch Gilmore Girls and my son and I wake up and read in the mornings together and snuggle with the dog. I now recognise and take a beat to appreciate how special that is, and how grateful I am to be able to be here, fully present, for these moments.